Wanting More Kids??

Eric 2yrs old

Ever since I can remember, I have wanted 3 children.  I always thought it was a great number!  I planned on having all 3 kids, 2 years, or so, apart.  Afterall, 5 is my favorite number!  =)

After having Eric and finding that he had Cerebral Palsy as well as seizures, I wasn't sure if I could handle even 2!  I was worried that my "plan" wasn't gonna work.  Not knowing  what the future held for Eric, I had put having more kids, on the back burner because, let's face it, I had my hands full already. 

Mmmm...sucker!   Jan 2011

Lately, I worry about a lot of things when it comes to having/or not having more children.  Eric is definitely showing signs of "the only child syndrome".  I fear that he will be jealous of the attention that a new baby will need and more behaviors will arrise.  I also worry about the opposite, if I don't have another child soon, Eric's "only child" behavior will continue.  He is used to ALL of the attention, being an only child, thus far.  I also worry that having a new baby will take away from the time that Eric needs.  To be honest,  our life with special needs is just beginning.  I worry that our 2nd child will have some sort of Special Need, even though the tests say otherwise.  Afterall, Eric was that 5-8% risk.   I worry that our startup business in the Philippines will not thrive and we will not be able to afford another, even if they are "typical".

I know I shouldn't live my life with worries that I cannot control.  I tell myself that everyday.  I know in my heart,  that we have plenty of time before I get too old for more.  I know that Eric needs my dedication to him for a bit longer.  How do I stop my natural "clock" from ticking!  I would like to wait another year or so...until our business is really on its feet.  Let's see if my "clock" can "snooze" for a while?! =)

How do you stand on having more kids?  Or not having more?

Til next time,
Shauna